Have you ever stopped doing something because there’s this little voice in your head telling you that you “can’t do it” ? You don’t know when it started but suddenly, it’s taking over your life and preventing you from taking so many opportunities. Don’t worry, you’re not alone.
I’ve certainly had my fair share of ‘you can’t do this’ moments and in all honesty, I went through a huge phase a few weeks ago where all I kept on telling myself was ‘you can’t’. In my own experience, I know that the root of this voice is a cluster of fear, self-doubt and lack of confidence for stepping out of that comfort zone. That’s right even someone who has went on a long path of gaining confidence and feels very assured in herself, still has moments of ‘you can’t’. It’s entirely normal but the irony here is I’m typing this away on my laptop- a device that perhaps wouldn’t exist if it’s creator listened to that negative voice. In fact, most of the remarkable things we have today would cease to exist if everyone gave in to their fears of self-doubt.
This isn’t an easy voice to quiet but it is possible and for the past month, I’ve been applying a tactic to help me battle with this negativity. Take a step back and carry out these five steps so that you can replace that voice with a ‘you can’!
Set apart reality
You must acknowledge that the voice in your head isn’t real, it’s just a compilation of lots of past negative experiences.
Often, we have become so accustomed to telling ourselves the same story, constantly, that we start to believe it and it quickly becomes a reality. Maybe you didn’t realise it in that moment, but that voice in your head isn’t actually real, no matter how it may feel. You start to believe that succeeding isn’t possible for you, marginally caused because of someone else’s beliefs on how life should be approached and how YOUR life should be lived. But the issue here is that if you live your life through someone else’s narrative, you’re never going to be happy.
Think back to when you were a child. You probably felt that anything was possible and wanted to be a ballerina or a footballer. Then as time passes by, you’re told that you can’t be these things because they’re ‘not realistic’. Yet there are plenty of ballerinas and astronauts successfully existing in this world, so why should you believe them when it’s already proven to be possible?
You were born believing that anything was possible but over time, you’ve listened too much of what others think and absorbed their fears, But it’s all in your head. So, don’t believe that voice in your head that says “you can’t” because it’s not stating a fact. In fact, it’s as fake as my eyelashes, it’s only there because you’ve absorbed of other people’s negativity and given in to your own self-doubt.
Shift your thoughts
Remember the law of attraction: You attract what you are and the energy you give off to yourself and others is very important.
If you only tell yourself negative things, you’ll only attract negative things. In order to drown out that negative voice, you need to overwhelm it with positive thoughts. I’ve found the most effective way is to create some positive affirmations about myself and stick this on the side of my mirror, where I know I’ll see it every morning. Seeing positive words that I can recite each morning works wonders on increasing positive thoughts. I’ve mentioned their amazing effects previously and how they are vital for self-care. I suggest, making a note of your own negative thoughts and see if you can find the polar opposite that rings a positive note with you. If you’re having troubles, read this helpful post with 1132 positive affirmations.
One of the best ways to shift your thoughts is to have a motivating and inspiring quote as your lock screen on your phone. As I know we all look at our phones too much, seeing some positive words ten times a day will surely have positive effects. Even if you’re not reading them, your subconscious will make a note. Fortunately, I’ve already got you covered and created 8 phone wallpapers that are free to download to help you tackle that negative voice. (Find the link below.)
If you don’t see it, check your spam folder and add me as a contact to avoid the issue happening again!
Talk to someone you trust
Start to integrate other people’s reality of you into your new thoughts, until they become YOUR reality.
One of the most detrimental things I see people do, is brush off compliments or other peoples positive thoughts about yourself because somehow the negative stuff is always easier to believe. Yet, can you imagine saying some of the stuff your internal voice says about you to someone else? It’s time you start being your own best friend because you actually deserve way better than how you’re treating yourself right now. If you wouldn’t say it to your loved ones, why are you saying it to yourself?
It can be difficult to open up- believe me, I’m the worst at this!- but confiding in someone you trust, whom isn’t going to judge you is a very important step in quieting that voice. Even if it’s a stranger online, let out all that negativity and really listen to their feedback. You’ve already acknowledged that the voice in your head isn’t real, now you need to create a spectrum of new thoughts of other peoples realities until it becomes your own. Believe, what is being said; if it’s being repeated by others, then it must be true.
Realise your successes
To combat that “I can’t” attitude, you need to acknowledge all of your previous succeses, regardless if they’re big or small.
Start by making a list of all the things you’ve accomplished in your life, which you are proud of. Whether this be as small as learning all of your times tables or as big as finishing university and getting a degree. It might seem difficult at first, if that dark voice has manifested, but keep at it because I know that there are some amazing things you have accomplished in your life and you need to acknowledge this and reward yourself on how far you’ve come. Sometimes, we can get so caught up in where we are going- or wanting to go, that we lose sight of how far we’ve already travelled. Once you realise that you’ve already done something that you may have once thought wasn’t possible for you, it can be easy to relinquish all that self-doubt.
Once you’ve acknowledged your successes, you need to get to the root cause of why you are feeling the way you are. Make another list, with all the reasons you are telling yourself that you can’t achieve your life goals and ask yourself, “Is my self-doubt caused by fear?” If it is, ask yourself, “What am I really afraid of?” Taking a step back to reevaluate why you are feeling the way you are can clear up a lot of muddy water. It can help alter your perception and perhaps see that actually you can do it, it’s just that silly little voice in your head trying to hold you back from reaching your ultimate potential.
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